chapter 20a
Take a look. I've edited again but did it with reviewing on. Looks like it "sticks" to the RTF version. Easier for you to see what I've changed and either put back or accept. Date's June 4. Liked the parental gang-up and quiet sense of Dras and Horth in collusion. Strikes me we have a nice parallel, for Erien, with Amel's Lilac Hearth experience in Throne Price in as much as everything seems ordinary and homelike but the ordinary behavior is creepily becoming sinister...except the protagonist can't put a finger on exactly why and is rendered powerless by being made to feel ridiculous [Whereas Amel is in no doubt ... He knows all those nice Reetions are out to get him - Alison.] I like it. David loomed over my shoulder tutting about explanations while I worked on the STI 1 bit (my version and yours to date :-) so I made Bley's input more conversational and displaced some of the info load into Erien's thoughts in two doses which I hope strike you as appropriate. If not, give it another kick back at me. But I will show restraint and not toy with the nearly-complete-and-almost-perfect chapters and get back to Eler's and the elusive 21. Have found at least one piece that belongs in 21, as well. Yes, you were right, they're scattered. With components that only ever existed on the telephone, as well, I suspect. But I'm on a roll now. :-)
posted by Lynda at 23:41   comment? e-mail lynda@okalrel.org 0 comments