Tuesday, July 23, 2002
Evening's work
Undoing some of yours! I took what should be my final pre editorial input pass through Chapter 1 - though I do plan to try it on my fellow Victoria writers next month (Actually, it occurs to me I may be trying it on the ConVersion audience before then!). I couldn't swallow that first chunk of explanation about relationships, and got ornery and decided the reader could survive waiting a couple of pages for the definition of mekan'stan. I also didn't think that Perry would refer to Ayrium - her fellow leader - as "headstrong" in that particular situation. They're both at work in a crisis. I managed to trim the description of Amel's room and I noticed a spot where the same information seemed to be given twice, in slightly different ways, so that was another excision. Thanks for all the places you unstarched the prose by a simple rearrangement of a few words. The effect is quite noticable.

Welcome back

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