Wednesday, August 25, 2004
News From Yukari Yamamoto
 

"I am attaching some pictures of my Golden Demon miniature painting
competition entries.  I was very surprized by the results.  Now that I have
won a couple of Golden Demon's, I am somebody!  :)  I have yet a long way to
go before I can call myself a true artist, but I will not give up."

Yukari is cover artist for Kath, and one of two artists featured on the cover of Mekan'stan, both forthcoming from Windstorm Creative.


Monday, August 23, 2004
Ilse in the mirror
 

Probably the most complex thing I've done to date. Though the backgrounds were relatively straightforward, I had to play around some to get the "twirl" on the skirt, and the expression close to what I wanted.

Then, I (a) rendered the image of the bedroom in Vue. (b) flipped the image of the bedroom horizontally (c) used that flipped image as a background in the rendering of the facing image in Poser, with the lights on the figure reversed (d) flipped that image with the figure in place horizontally (e) used Photoshop layers to place the mirror-image in the mirror (f) used that image as a background when I rendered the foreground figure in Poser (with the lights the correct way round).

Phew.

And after all that, the details for the bedroom were obscured.


This is why I am about to depart to the wilds of Saskatchewan, MINUS the computer with the graphics programs on, to finish my novel!


Sunday, August 22, 2004
Eulogy to Broken Glass and Stupid Muses
 
Late last night an accident shattered a decorative humidifier, called "the mist of dreams", that had doubled as a symbol of my muse since I became spell bound by it in a store window nearly a year ago: watching cool sheets of foggy mist trickle from a wide-mouthed, frosted bowl, held up by a floor mounted stand and bewitched by changing colors.

I had been feeling down hearted about the prospect of ever getting even a fraction of my inner life translated safely into print when the "mist of dreams" captured my imagination, and I think my husband David knew what I was struggling with. That is probably why my eldest daughter Jennifer-who also believes in dreams-found her father receptive to helping her buy the "mist of dreams" for me, for Christmas: a mission that they undertook despite David's increasing concern about the family debt and Jennifer's very limited budget. My daughter contributed, for months, out of her weekly allowance, foregoing some of those small, personal pleasures that brighten good days and make bad days more bearable. I was moved by their gift. It gave me courage. And courage is exactly what anyone needs, today, in trying to sustain something as complex and emotional as the Okal Rel Universe, against the modern world's chaotic, 30-second windows of attention and the sci-fi scene's love affair with evil elves and hopeless endings.

The accident that shattered the "mist of dreams" was one of those wholly unexpected affairs that in retrospect seem inevitable. It had survived in my office since January. In early August, we emptied out the water in the "mist of dreams" and moved it to our bedroom, to make room for renovations in the basement. There were too many things stacked up in the bedroom in places where things shouldn't be, and a flick of David's dressing gown sent the "mist of dreams" tumbling while he was up and moving around in the dark last night, after getting up to tell the kids having a sleep over in the living room to settle down and go to sleep. All so very perfectly ordinary.

My initial reaction was relief, since the crash that woke me sounded alarming unique: both loud and dainty, like a million tiny icicles breaking in a brittle splash of audible grays, whites and silvers. David's voice, when he spoke, sounded as if he had killed a beloved pet: sort of flat and disbelieving. Once I figured out what had happened, my next reaction was numbness, but not so much for the "mist of dreams" itself, literally. I am becoming superstition in my old age, and that decorative humidifier stood for something important to me; something that I have felt slipping away from me, struggle by struggle, as my life changes. It stood for my ability to live in another world and to carry the that power in my heart like a secret weapon against all life's other challenges.

For a moment, lying in bed, with the sound of that fluid shattering still fresh in my ears, I thought: well, that's over. After all, I hadn't written anything new in months. It did seem like an omen. I am not young anymore and the forces I exert myself against to keep alive the promises made to my younger self are so much more tangible than the magic of a sulky muse that expects far too much accommodation from the real world. Maybe it was time to stop struggling.

David was still standing near the broken "mist of dreams", half awake and a bit shocked, trying to figure out what to make of the situation and needing to go back to bed again. I heard myself say, "It's only a thing."

Then my symbol-make brain machinery started up again. If I let this end something for me, symbolically, then was it "just a thing"? I don't believe in lying. And if it wasn't just a thing, what did it stand for? My silly muse, or the love that had purchased this useless thing of beauty to inspire me: the same love that made David behave with such uncharacteristic befuddlement, now he had accidentally broken it; and made Jenny determined I should have it. I thought about other people, also, who have lived in the Okal Rel Universe with me; stepped in and taken a look around; supported its development financially, or begun to contribute to its on-going construction. People who had cared, to some extent or another, about the magic I had so long taken for granted as a fixture of my own mental life.

Yes. The "mist of dreams" did stand for something. But it would be a self-indulgent, cruel irony to make its demise symbolize the death of the very thing it was given to me in order to encourage.

Instead, I decided that - superstitious or not in my "old age" - I am still a magician. And magicians make up their own rules for the power any talisman holds over them.

If, like a lot of things in middle life, my muse can't be taken for granted, the answer isn't giving up, it's getting into shape by working harder. Discipline is where I have been failing lately, and I owe it to myself and everyone one else who cares even a little, to stop sulking in my tent and get to work again.

The "mist of dreams" got knocked over. But now that the glass is broken, the wish it expressed is immortal.


Saturday, August 21, 2004
 
Found this SciFi/Fantasy book trading site. The graphics are great.
The gist of it is to trade your books. You get credits by sending your books to others like you promise, then you can trade the credits in to receive books you're looking for. (There's quite a few on the Wanted List that are kicking around my basement.)
The only hitch I see is that the price of shipping a book is probably more than buying one in the second hand store. But I guess it would be nice if you found something you've been searching for.

EDIT:
Thanks, Lynda, for the comment. My user name is *drum roll*... "Virginia".


Sunday, August 15, 2004
 
Got up a start on the "Friends of the ORU" page. Decided to start with something doable and work up to all my bigger, better ideas. :-)


Thursday, August 12, 2004
 
Had a great time at Con-Version 2004 in Calgary.

Met John Preet, who gave me a short lesson in how to push bigger people over, and expressed himself willing to give input on works in draft with military overtones, making him a genuine friend of the Okal Rel Universe find. Great to meet you, John.

Also bought jewelry from Superchick, aka Katie, in the dealer's room and socialized with Katie, her sister Karen and their father Allan.

Spent quality time with Edge publisher Brian Hades and his wife Anita, who is a lovely, brilliant and professional medical type who is also great fun after even a single vodka spritzer. If getting a bit tipsy brings out the repressed side of someone's nature, Anita's is happy, vigorous, loving and affectionate.

Adam Volk, Edge editor until he had to leave this summer due to a move, wasn't able to make it. Hope to keep in touch with him by e-mail, and count him a friend of the Okal Rel Universe.

Brian and I quickly got past some sticky bits regardly the different directions in which publisher and author angst can sometimes strain when so much in invested in bringing a work to market, and enjoyed each other as we have at previous Con-Versions.

Still working on the balancing act of holding firm and being flexible when it comes to going public with the ORU, but I think it is getting easier and I am less prone to bad weeks and sleepless nights if I deal with the stresses early and frankly. No good relationship is without its upsets. We kissed and made up--spouses present and participating. :-)
David Lott wisely asked when Courtesan Prince might now be out, and we were told it might be possible to have copies in hand by the time of Studio Fair in Prince George, in November. Keeping my fingers crossed for that.

Discovered the emergence of Green Magpie Press, the brain child of publisher Donna-Lee Ost, which is going to publish a work I have been interested in for years, The Lateral Truth - An Apostate's Bible Stories, by Whinter Davis.

Rebecca Bradley read a very engaging passage of her novel in progress, set in pre-historic times. I also attended a reading by Marie Jakober, from her new Edge publication Even the Stone.

I took part on three panels--two scheduled and one I was recruited for at the last minute by Blair Petterson, all on science topics.

John Preet moderated the first panel I took part in, on Technology in Science Fiction and I was delighted that he considered ORU technology worth putting on the list of three recommended examples in his hand out to the panel. Also had the pleasure of sharing the panelist's role with Neo-Opsis publisher Karl Johanson on more than one occation.

Had a great chat with Marie and a picnic lunch in the con suite with Rebecca and her daughter, Kat, who will forever make me think of the character inspired by her in the last of Rebecca's Gil books.

Very much enjoyed "Bedtime Stories with IFWA", with the theme "Weapons of Mass Distraction", where among other delights I heard heroic con organizer Randy McCharles read for the first time.

IFWA, Calgary's speculative fiction writing group http://writtenword.org/ifwa/ also put on a bang up job of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Once More, With Feeling episode, dedicated to Robyn H. I particularly enjoyed Ivan Dorin's comic genius as Xander et al. but all the performances were great, the music and sound (Allan Harron) support very competent, and the narrator did a professional job of managing the transitions; all done with a very convincing sense of everyone on stage having fun, and outbreaks of audible audience participation. Danita Maslankowski had the appropriate stage presence as the demon Sweet and I appreciated the gusto with which Anna Bortolotto rendered the "bunnies" bit as Anya. Shawn Moore managed to cover Dawn and Willow without getting confused and Heather Osborne, as Tara, did a very nice rendition of "Under Your Spell", which is not an easy song to sing. The voice of Giles was closest to that of the actual actor. Buffy (Val King), who was on stage nearly the whole time, was as tireless as the real thing and Spike did some cool gituar work during his key scenes. I was especially impressed with all the cast during the parts of the script where vocal delivery overlaps, and was able to hear words clearly that I have always guessed at.

Also delighted to learn, at the Firefly Shindig, that I and my family--all Firefly fans--can look forward to seeing the return of the whole cast, in the Firefly movie this April! Warms the heart to know quality and characterization can triumph over crass commercial demands for mere action, after all. :-) (Action is great, but I want to know why I care first, as Marie and I discussed in connection with some recent movies.)

Marie also expressed the opinion, in a corridor conversation, that "killing your darlings" is a bad thing because it is a formula, and formulas are bad things. I was objecting on the grounds that it's a cheap shot, nasty, ugly and depressing. Make people laugh. Make people cry. But don't make people care just to yank the rug out from under them and leer as if proving life is short, brutish and meaningless is something we all need more lessons in to help us get on with the day. (End of tirade.)

On a promotional note, I was honored to sign books; donated one to the raffle; and was floored by a round of spontaneous applause for the ORU series when I introduced myself, at Blair's urging, in order to make a comment from the audience at the panel on why fantasy is more popular than sci fi these days. My special thanks to Jim B., who was sitting beside me and happened to have a freshly signed copy of Throne Price to hold up for inspection in that wonderful moment--well, a wonderful moment for me in any case--and all the more so for being so completely unexpected.

GOH George R.R. Martin summed it up the panel topic well in his lament for the miscarriage of the bright future promised by the golden age. We are less keen and optimistic about being able to make a difference for the better, through science, in the modern age, and turning to magic for solice. Fantasy "rings true emotionally".

Missed seeing Alison, of course, who was otherwise engaged, and Spider Robinson, who spent the con in hospital. Saw Dave Duncan but never connected. Maybe next con. Always enjoy talking to Dave.

Took in Robert Sawyer, Derryl Murphy, Donna-Lee Ost and Karl Johanson on the small press panel. Robert is now in the publisher's seat as well as the author's and found it enlightening in the same way I have, in connection with Reflections on Water and my work with UNBC Press. Helps to understand how the other half works. Derryl, of course, is a mainstay with On Spec magazine. Also heard Derryl, a fellow Prince Georgian (is that the adjective?) read a passage from a story in his upcoming anthology.

Best of all, I spent a lot of good hours with my husband, David Lott, and David thoroughly enjoyed himself as well. He stayed for most of the Slave Auction (but couldn't quite afford to buy the one he wanted), I caught just the end. We did the same thing with Arrogant Worms, who really had the crowd roaring and hooting by the time I dropped in for their last couple of songs after my Friday night panel.
David Lott and Brian Hades took in the concert together, and that's where we met Allan and his daughters.

On the culinary side of things, David and I discovered "A Taste of Calgary", a taster's delight where 5 tickets (for about 3 bucks) let you pick a sample dish from any of about two dozen booths run by specialty restuarants.

I missed the Celtic Knots workshop, which I had meant to attend. Can't remember exactly why, but I think it had to do with spending time with good, interesting people.

Gave Alison a synopsis of some of this on the phone last night, but hoping this will fill in blanks and preserve memories until we connect on the phone again. Everyone's con is unique. This was mine.


Thursday, August 05, 2004
Fishesesss
 
Only slightly ORU - I'm working on another picture of Ilse, with goldfish, in her garden - but the models offered here are beautiful, plentiful and free, and I wanted to spread the word. All the fish are from there, as is the water-lily; the site also has a plethora of flowering plants and some butterflies. The format is the widely used .3ds, they're not heavy on polygons. Vue, which can be very temperamental, imports smoothly except for a complaint that this is an obsolete format and may not come over with its texture maps intact, which as you see is not borne out. My first render of the big Black Moor goldfish was at 800x600 and there was some jaggedness in the coloration, so they're not ultra-high resolution.




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